After getting screwed over by most of the analysts’ preseason polls except CBS, and then again in both the AP and Coaches’ preseason polls, Andyram and I decided that we need to create our own poll that is more reflective of the way things really are.

Our polls will consist of a top 10 and bottom 4 and will be called the “Weekly 10-4″ from here on out. It is important for us to recognize great teams like Iowa, but also teams that suck massively each and every week like Iowa State does. Finding three other teams that are as bad at football as Iowa State might be tough, but thankfully there are 11 other Big 12 teams to choose from.

Without further ado, we proudly present the Hawkize.com Preseason 10-4:

Top Ten

1. Iowa
This really needs no explanation. Clearly, a team that returns a core group of badasses like Drew Tate, Clinton Soloman, Ed Hinkel, and a boatload of talented running backs to go along with the destructive force collectively known as Hodge and Greenway is going to be unstoppable. At 10-2 last year and with no major losses other than the defensive line, an undefeated season is essentially guaranteed.

2. Michigan
Big 12 teams should never be allowed to set foot in the Rose Bowl like Texas did last year. To make it up to the fans, this year’s National Championship Rose Bowl will feature two teams from the Big Ten, and early indications point to Michigan. They will undoubtedly incur one embarassing loss at Kinnick on October 22nd, but they should battle their way through the rest of the Big Ten to get demolished by Iowa again in the Rose Bowl.

3. Purdue
Not playing Michigan or Ohio State will obviously help Purdue’s record. Their only certain blemish comes on October 8th when Hodge and Greenway bring West Lafayette to its knees. Be on the lookout for a Bob Sanders appearance since this game will be played in the state of Indiana. Bob will do the right thing and throw on a jersey from someone like Charles Godfrey just to bring a world pain to this Purdue team. Assuming that Purdue still has a team left after the reincarnation of Bob Sanders, the rest of their season might be successful.

4. Ted Ginn, Jr.
The Ohio State team that I watched at Kinnick during the 2004 season was a bunch of schmucks plus that freak Ted Ginn, Jr. A.J. Hawk is a pile jumper and is lucky that he, Hodge, and Greenway will probably never cross paths on the field. And some idiot actually gave Troy Smith money for playing. If I were an Ohio State fan, I would be giving him money to leave. Ginn is a one man team and is so much of a freak that he earned the #4 ranking all by himself.

5. Minnesota
If Marion Barber wouldn’t have bolted for the NFL, this team would be a force to be reckoned with. Laurence Maroney is still a solid running back and will carry Minnesota to some victories behind his 2,000+ yards, zero of which will be gained on November 19th against Iowa.

6. Tennessee
If Tennessee ever gets their players out of jail, they are going to roll the SEC, which I will credit as the second toughest conference after the Big Ten. Tough teams include Florida and LSU early on, but they finish out against weaker opponents like Georgia, Vanderbilt, and Kentucky.

7. USC
Three peat my ass. The road to USC’s National Championship hat trick is patrolled by Abdul Hodge and Chad Greenway, and nobody’s getting through. And the news gets worse for USC. Drew Tate will win the Heisman.

8. LSU
After being ravaged by the Hawks in last year’s Capital One Bowl, it’s amazing that this program didn’t just fold. The future is bleak and depressing without former Michigan State front man Nick Saban running the show, who was replaced by Big 12 nobody Les Miles. Fortunately for LSU fans, there are enough of Saban’s recruits left to sustain at least a level of mediocrity for the next couple years before LSU football falls off the face of the earth.

9. Wisconsin
Look for them to rise next year after former Hawkeye Brett Bilema takes charge. Barry Alvarez has a Hawkeye background himself, which will help as this team plows its way through the brutal Big Ten schedule. Losses against Michigan, Minnesota, Purdue, and Iowa will be overlooked. Just because this team will finish the regular season 8-4 doesn’t mean that they don’t deserve this #9 ranking. The #6 team in the Big Ten is still the 6th best team in the country. I fear for whoever Wisconsin faces in the postseason.

10. Virginia Tech
It’s Michael Vick all over again, this time in the form of his pot smoking pedophile brother Marcus. He’ll need that 4.2 speed to get away from the cops, but speed like that also comes in handy on the football field. Throw in the cannon attached to his right arm, and you’ve got yourself a freakishly good quarterback. If the younger Vick can stay out of jail, look for this team to roll right through the ACC.

Bottom Four

1. Iowa State
Don’t even get me started. ISU should have dropped their football program instead of their baseball program. The baseball team actually has a chance at hitting something. Not even the return of convicted felon Jason Berryman can save this team. I should also add that Todd Blythe would be somewhere around 10th string at wide receiver here, but he seems to be getting a lot of talk at ISU. They had better hope that Antwan Allen is suspended for the game versus Iowa or he is going to take out his rage on this Cyclone team. He has already broken one Cyclone’s jaw this year, and don’t think that a helmet and facemask will stop him from breaking more. ISU will remain at very bottom of this list forever.

2. Kansas State
Any team that finishes last in the pathetic Big 12 North deserves to be relegated to Division III or NAIA football. A good Big 12 team is a bad 8 man team, so you can only imagine what it must feel like to be Kansas State. Worse yet, they have to wear purple on the field. No wonder they finished dead last.

3. Central Florida
No luck of the Irish for George O’Leary this year either. This is a top half Big 12 North team, but UCF doesn’t have the good fortune to play any of those cupcakes.

4. Oklahoma State
The loss of several running backs and their head coach is probably not going to help this team win any games. Not that Les Miles was any good anyway, but they stayed equally as bad by hiring in-house instead of finding some Hayden Fry prodigy. They have an easy win on October 22nd in LAmes against ISU, but there will be some tough pillow fights in the Big 12 this year.

That wraps up the Preseason 10-4. Andyram and I will be providing weekly updates as the season goes along.