By Popular Demand: A List of Excuses
In the last couple of days, we have had some communication problems with our unwelcome Iowa State visitors. They don’t seem to understand that the “Same Song, Different Tune” post is not about making excuses for why we lost. We have done all that we can do in the comments to try and make that clear, but it’s just not working.
So here it is: a list of excuses for why we lost to Iowa State. This post also contains pictures to make it more accessible for our visitors who are unable to read.
Stadium policy prohibited Abdul Hodge from entering the stadium.
At the gates of Jack Trice Stadium, it is clearly posted that no weapons are allowed inside the stadium. Abdul Hodge himself is classified as deadly weapon, so he was forced to leave the premises. While watching the game on TV from a bar in Ames, he broke his bottle of Jack over the bartender’s head when he saw that…
The officials were paid off.
This picture is indisputable evidence that the officials in this game were paid off. Maybe the reason ISU students graduate with such a high amount of debt is because they pool their money together to pay off the officials each week. The funny part is that their team is so bad, they still only win about half their games. With money enough money in their pockets to buy a small island, the officials overlooked the fact that…
We had no end zone.
How are we supposed to win the football game when we have no end zone? Below is an overhead shot of Jack Trice Stadium on Saturday:
You can clearly see that we have no end zone to score in. We’ve been through some things before–eye poking, groin kicking, etc., and we’ve done some of these things ourselves (pink visitors’ locker rooms). Leave it to the state agricultural school to do something like this. When a team is so desperate to win a game that they rip out some stands and lay sod to extend the field, that is taking things too far. Not having an end zone isn’t enough to stop us from scoring somehow, so…
They set the ball on fire.
The footballs we used for the entire game were set on fire by the ISU ball boys before being put in to play. This might come as a surprise to many of you Hawk fans since many of Jason Manson’s throws catch fire anyway. We can assure you, this was no accident.
As you can see here, Clinton Soloman refused to put this burning ball on the ground. Receivers coach Lester Erb has drilled the words “hold on to the damn ball” in to Soloman’s head so much that he refused to let go of the burning object. We attempted to put out the fires, but…
The water jugs were full of scotch.
Some would argue that water jugs full of scotch should have made us play better, but we digress. It was over 90 degrees outside during the game. I’m sure that the team gladly would have finished off several water jugs full of scotch after the game but would have much rather had cold water during it. Kirk Ferentz didn’t even have a chance to raise hell about these travesties because…
Kirk Ferentz was arrested by the Story County Sheriff’s Department.
In a conspiracy to remove the best coach in college football from the equation, this Story County deputy arrested Kirk Ferentz before the game. It’s hard to win when your head coach is in a holding cell for the duration of the game. Stormin’ Norm Parker is a hell of a football coach–a better coach than Dan McCarney, in fact–but he’s no replacement for Coach Ferentz.
So there you have it. Things start to make sense after seeing what really went on during the game. I am proud of the fact that we managed to score 3 points without being provided an end zone or field goal posts to score in. Don’t think that these despicable acts will go unforgotten. Next year, we are going to release Bob Sanders from his cage and unleash him on the Cyclone locker room before the game. Don’t be surprised when the team is carted on to the field in heaps. Bob takes no prisoners.
34 Responses to “By Popular Demand: A List of Excuses”
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I saw the dollar bills in the ref’s pocket. A few fell out as he went to his pocket to throw the flag on that BS late hit call in the 4th quarter.
I’m an ISU fan and I think this is absolutely hilarious!
Keep up the great work, I enjoyed it!
I didnt feel like logging in… but I laughed my ass off. Cole, I knew you were put here for more than just to serve as the lead leg of THE best medley team in the state… not to mention that half of it was run by hawkeyes… could have been 3/4 but you know me… too cool for school.
which brings me to my next point… I’m going to class for the first time in three years tomorrow…
Those are the best excuses I’ve seen all week! Kudos.
The excuses are pretty good. It’s too bad that most Hawk fans like yourselves actually believe that they’re true. Very sad.
This is sacriligious and not at all humorous. We were jobbed by the farmers on Sat and the best team is still my beloved hawks. I am dumbfounded as to how they won, no joke! Ia’s skill level surpass theirs in every phase of the game. Did someone get paid on Sat…..mysterious.
Hey, awa, go fist yourself.
Holy crap, this website rules! It makes me want to piss myself, then pinch a piping hot loaf in the middle of Jack Trice!
I love you guys.
wow…creative excuses out of Hawk fans…I’m simotaneously shocked and amused
hey anonymous your a faggot go get raped by jason Berryman and all the other fags at ISU
Berryman would not rape anyone. He’d break your windshield, reach in and grab your $4 out of the console and maybe jack your cell phone out of the glovebox– but come on dude, rape? Harsh. The guys not a psycho….
Zen says “Most people wearing #84 are fucked up”
Berryman is a classless piece of crap. Just like everyone else in Ames. Blow me clowns.
You Iowa State fans should be a little upset Jason Thugman is playing. He mugged a freaking STUDENT of his own university! Jesus christ stupid balls.
two words: Pierre Pierce
There is one glaring difference here: Pierre Pierce was kicked off the team and is no longer at the university. Jason Berryman is your starting defensive end.
i think the excuses r hilarous! but i also think that you iowa fans are such bad losers! the only reason you lost was because ISU played better than Iowa. and to ‘your mom’ and other people that’s very degrading and disrespectful. about jason berryman, people make mistakes and he apologized and served his time which was a little harsh for what he did. what pierre pierce did was way worse than what jason did. you hawkeye fans are such jerks and so conceited. to top it all i would just like to say OVERRATED!! GO CLONES!
Pierce is no longer a member of the University or the team.
However, I don’t care how many times Berryman apologizes- he’s a felon. He shouldn’t be on the team, let a lone starting. He’s a waste to society and I wouldn’t really care if he died. Him or any other felon, for that matter. I think that we need to weed retarded people like them out- and make s’mores over their burning cess. End of story.
It’s a parody you idiot. Iowa State fans are great losers… they’re used it by now. Iowa pissed that game down their leg, and of course, ISU (more specifically, their fans) will take all the credit for the victory. Iowa gave you 23 points off turnovers. So “your mom” is distrespectful, but 30,000 drunken faggots with t-shirts on saying “FUCK IOWA” on them isn’t? Nice double standard jackass. Honestly, go shoot yourself. If you’re still claiming that Iowa State is your team, you don’t deserve to live. Fuck off already.
sore losing hawkeyes fans.
and did the cyclones make em turn the ball over? no the fuckeyes did it themselves dumb fucker
man isu sucks and whoever wrote that last comment is gay they probly like texas or somethin….iowa needs to pick it up on the field if they want to beat ohio state this weekend….GO HAWKS!!!!!
LOL. Beats the Buckeyes. What dream did you see that in. You have to be able to beat an unranked team first.
Felon huh…what about Antwan Allen, who I believe has committed 2 felonies and 1 misdemeanor in the past year and a half, but somehow gets to start against the Cyclones….why is no one mentioning that. It’s ok though….with or without him the Hawks secondary sucks right along with their defensive line. For the Hawks sake it is a good thing their linebackers are All-Americans or ISU would have put up 50 on them. I do agree that Iowa made some dumb mistakes on Saturday and some things didn’t go their way, but that doesn’t explain 23-3. Even the good teams make mistakes and still manage to at least score a touchdown. The truth is the Hawks are overrated and Drew Tate is a hothead that either needs to get into some tackling drills or get off the field when he throws an interception. I’m not saying the Clones are an elite team and should be ranked in the top 15 but wake up Hawks…your team just isn’t that good.
Anonymous huh? It looks like somebody is scared to actually say their name. Typical for a little ISU weiner. You are all talk you little girl.
yeah dont change the subject cuz iowa fans are getting fuckin told. lol the name Jaime tells us a lot too. A sure hell of a lot better than anonymous if you ask me. oh yeah there arnt very many jaimes around here are they?
and what more can you do than talk on this site. all you can be is talk you dumb fuckin jaime peice of shit. oh yeah umm we can jump through the computer and fight someone.
oh and did i mention that the cyclones rock!!!!oh and did i mention that the cyclones rock!!!!oh and did i mention that the cyclones rock!!!!oh and did i mention that the cyclones rock!!!!oh and did i mention that the cyclones rock!!!!oh and did i mention that the cyclones rock!!!!oh and did i mention that the cyclones rock!!!!oh and did i mention that the cyclones rock!!!!oh and did i mention that the cyclones rock!!!!oh and did i mention that the cyclones rock!!!!
hey i dont like iowa or ISU i mean i like iowa more but they both r gay but i have to say this web. is SOOOOO DUMB
dude ISU beat em o well fucken get ova it
I SUCK PENIS
I LIKE DICK
Wow, some of the most juvenile spouting off of the mouth I have read in awhile. Must be todays youth-future leaders? BWAAHAHAHA. Oh, and BTW: Yeah, there were some very questionable calls during that game but we pretty much got our ass handed to us by playing like crap. Period. Maybe next year! GO HAWKS!
pictures were MAD funny too!