Hard Times
So you may have been wondering: “What the hell happened to the Hawkize guys?” It’s reasonable to suspect that something might be wrong. After all, we haven’t posted since October 10th, and Mikehawk suddenly vanished without a trace. I’ve even seen some of the opposition second guessing our Hawkeye spirit. You’re wrong, you fuckers. Our team is still better than yours.
The truth is that all three of us have fallen upon some hard times with varying levels of severity. Not coincidentally, so has the Hawkeye football team. Once their biggest supporters started struggling, so did they. But we’re a resilient group, us Hawkeyes. We’re not going to let tough times put a damper on our Hawkeye spirit. As a wise half phillipino girl once told me, “It is better to have failed and be a Hawkeye than to have ever been a Cyclone.” With that in mind, here’s the deal…
Colestal broke his hand.
It’s tough to type an article when your bone structure looks like this:
I was originally going to sit out the rest of the season with the injury, claiming that I was in the same boat as Ed Hinkel. But then I heard that Hinkel might be back for the Minnesota game, so I opted for a galveston brace instead of a cast, which allows my hand to move with less restriction. Being the Hawkeye hardass that I am, I’m going to play through the pain. What I really need is some alcohol, which is what Andyram has been struggling with…
Andyram hasn’t been sober since the Michigan game.
A loss like that hurts. All I’ve been seeing for the past two weeks is a mental replay of their running back ramming the ball in to the end zone for the win right in front of the student section. It’s an atrocity that the game ever got to that point, but we’ll save that for another post. Andyram took the loss especially hard. He has been in a drunken haze since the game finished, now over a week and a half ago. As I speak, he is belligerently drunk, passed out on my couch:
Andyram’s last drunken comment is a pretty good indication of how bad things have gotten for him:
“Look, I haven’t been sober sincefr a couple days befre the michigan game aned mikehawk cant post due to an undisclosed matter and colestal broke his hand saturday night thats why we havent posted.. we’ll be aback on tracfk in a day or two”
The good news is that we are approaching a win over Northwestern on Saturday, which may mark Andyram’s return to sobriety. At least his absence is under his own control…
Mikehawk was forced to choose between the Hawkeyes and Hawkize.
It sounds strange, I know. One would think that Hawkize and the Hawkeyes would go hand in hand considering our maniacal support for them. The athletic department respectfully digressed. A sleuth from the administration caught wind of this thing called Hawkize and was able to derive Mikehawk’s identity from clues scattered throughout the site. Although the university (to our knowledge) has no control over what we say and do on this site, Mikehawk must adhere to a higher standard as a Hawkeye athlete than Colestal as a student. In order to preserve Mikehawk’s eligibility, he never existed (as far as you’re concerned).
Now that we’ve cleared things up, it’s business as usual: All Hawkeyes, all the time. On Iowa, GO HAWKS!!!
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Just goes to show… any Hawkeye that breaks a bone, is hard-fucking-core!
Haha you guys are fucking badasses…that includes your license plate Colestal. Btw Andyram don’t worry we will get the fucking purple pussies or i mean wildcats this weekend. I think the fact that I had a sitution last week a hour before the game starting that prevented me from watching the whole second half also contributed to the loss. Continuing the “I have still yet to see the Hawks lose in person” streak. BTW Mikehawk we will miss you man now that you are on the Hawkize-Protection Program. This site is a fucking legacy! Keep the posts coming guys.
So.. how’d that bone get broken. That’s a pretty intense break.. is that really you’re x-ray? I would demand many drugs for that.
You think that’s an intense break? You should see the other mother fucker’s face..
This site is offically my favortie now. You guys are the shit. I bleed black and gold just like youselves so deffiantley dont stop bring the goods. You have insipired me among a few others. Thanks
I can only imagine..
Yeah, that’s really the x-ray. I’m not going to let it slow me down though. Vicodin is quite a drug
Better living through chemistry C. Mikehawk screw them you should be able to do what ever you want (short of a felony on your own time). Fuck the purple faggots and double fuck the lame assholes in Lames.
Mikehawk has pagan godlike status in his hometown now that Bob Blows-me has clamped down. All this relates to about 600 incidents of current and former Iowa athletes screwing the pooch for those that followed. You all know I don’t root for Iowa but you guys ARE the F’n Shit. This is a great site and I hope you all keep on keeping on. The poontang must be lining up five deep for you studs …
Well i think your a pussy because i’ve written paperes when my hand was in a cast and i was drunk and i got an A so you are a pussy ass bitch
Drawing random shapes on “paperes” may be A work at ISU (95% of your students are probably illiterate anyway), but that’s not going to cut it here at Iowa.
Thats just too damn bad but NEWSFLASH i dont go to iowa state
Where did or do you go to school, Herbie?
montana state
Looks like you better keep drinking…
you prolly shouldnt ever stop drinking because if you get mad durring basketball season i’d just stay in an alcoholic haze the rest of my life if i were you because iowa sucks ass
Good outing this weekend. It’s gonna be a long winter since you won’t be playing in late December.
Don’t worry guys, I’ll drive over to MSU and beat that douchebag down. bozeman sucks a fat one. you just made my double fuck up list herbie. first you go against the hawks, and secondly against the griz, i don’t think i could hate anyone more.
I didn’t realize that they had the internet in Montana…