Where does Jason Berryman go from here?

Posted by Mikehawk on February 01st, 2006

A lot of folks have been calling Hawkize, asking “What do you think Jason Berryman is going to do now?” in regard to his recent termination as a member of the Iowa State Cyclone football team.
Well, we were talking over a tall cold one last night, and we came up with a few ideas.

1. Demolition Man
Of course, our first inclination was to say that we think JB will turn his life around and become an upstanding member of the community- perhaps one who volunteers at a local homeless shelter.

Yeah, right. That will happen as soon as Andyram declares he’s been sober for a month.

So, we figured that he could do what he does best- bust up car windshields. Give this guy a fifth of the old Johnny Walker Red, hand him a sledge, and watch him do wonders. Want the car really fucked up? Tell him the owner is that hoe who cheated on him! He’ll have the windshield gone in a quick swipe.

This is a long shot, though- Jason doesn’t have a driver’s license, so he’ll need a ride to work.

2. The NFL

HAHA, JUST KIDDING- HE’S FROM IOWA STATE!

3. Janitor for the Houston Texans

This solves a lot of Jason’s problems- he’ll be in the NFL, finally, and doing something constructive- something a Cyclone hasn’t done in the League since its inception. He’s got experience, too - 258 days of it. He spent the good portion of that time on floor detail at the Story County Jail - and a lot of time on his back at Jack Trice Stadium.

4. The UNI Panthers
This one is probably the second safest bet. We at Hawkize give it 5:1 odds (for those of you who are into gamblin’) that JB will be sporting the purple next fall, a la Benny Sapp and Hakim Hill. We also give it 5:1 odds that he will be subsequently released when he is arrested for robbery- one in which he stole a $20 from a guy leaving the one bar in Cedar Falls, and gave him $16 change.

5. Prison
Yeah, duh.

6. Hell
We’re banking on this one, folks. However, rumor is that you have to be 21 to be there past 12. Oh well- he’ll make it anyway.

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6 Responses to “Where does Jason Berryman go from here?”  

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  1. 1 Jaimito on Feb 1st, 2006 at 1:44 pm:

    Hey at least ISU will be able to replace Berryman with some new talent. Oh wait, please disregard that comment. After national signing day, The clowns’ recruiting class of ‘06 ranks dead last in the Big 12 according to scout.com. Yes, they are behind Baylor.

  2. 2 Σ on Feb 1st, 2006 at 5:56 pm:

    Good job Mike. A lot of the people at my office are enjoying this article…

    March 3rd boys…

  3. 3 CyFan on Mar 1st, 2006 at 2:46 pm:

    It’s so funny to me how ppl who attend a school that allowed a pompous, abusive rapist sit on the basketball team’s bench for a whole year can talk about ANYONE else. And I bet you that not one person on here plays sports, but rather buys season tickets and kisses the asses of every athlete they meet. Get a life! B/C not one of you would say anything to Jason’s face.

  4. 4 kretinus on Mar 28th, 2006 at 7:33 pm:

    The problem here is that for some silly reason, people think either team is better than the other and that it’s somehow important to anyone at all.

    Hawkeye’s love to parade the slightest infraction by an ISU player when obviously the Hawkeye’s have the more corrupt athletic department, and as always when they point a finger there are always 4 pointing right back at them. Institutionalized welfare fraud, tolerating sexual predators (and whining like little babies when a crowd shoves it in their face), payola, you name it the Hawkeyes have done it.

    The Cyclones? Hell they can’t even get by one season without at least one of their players getting into some kind of petty stupid crap, and no amount of talent is going to help a bunch of children that can’t play together as a team on and off the field.

    Both of you are the laughing stock of Iowa.

  5. 5 The only voice of reason on Apr 21st, 2006 at 5:18 pm:

    Ok, let me see the Hawks are running smack on the Jason Berryman when. If I remember right Benny Sapp was kicked off their team a few years ago too (hey hawks when you kick a player off a team you can’t honor him in a half time show even when he is in the NFL) Jason will play football after ISU and on Sundays for sure. And until September Score board rules!

  6. 6 FUCKTHEHAWKS on May 1st, 2008 at 1:59 pm:

    haha ur a dumb ass, hes a cyclone who won in football last few years, the cyclones, yea that right, and btw people from iowa state go to the pros all of the time ever heard of a guy named ellis hobbs hes better than any of the piece of shit players that hawks have ever had

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