You can lead a horse to water…
If you didn’t hear, ISU athletics has announced that they plan to revamp their athletic facilities with multi-million dollar facelifts to the Jack Trice Stadium and Hilton Coliseum areas. The renovation will cost millions of dollars and won’t be completed until 2010- something Hawkize.com sees fitting, as this is the same year that Troy Davis will finally graduate from I Screwed Up.
However, that got us thinking: who the hell is going to donate the money to make this happen? It sure isn’t going to be the six season ticket holders or the nine graduates that ISU football boasts. So, we’ve narrowed it down to one possibility.
Drug dealers.
Shocking news, I know. However, with nowhere else to turn, it shouldn’t be that big of a surprise to the affluent sports fan. Drugs have never been that far from the program (see Kenny Pratt) and neither has dirty money (see Sam Mack).
What does all this dope money mean, though?
Advertising, of course!
With that, Hawkize.com unveils to you what we believe the plans will evolve into, once sponsorship takes hold.
As you can see, this looks like the intersection of Elwood Drive with the entrance to Jack Trice Stadium. The area directly in front of the ISU sign will hence be known as “Cranked Out Marty’s Court,” after the namesake who made herself famous to the east side of Des Moines for her Christmastime Meth Blowout.
This appears to be the new horseshoe shape that ISU’s Jack Trice Stadium will take once the renovation is finished. If you look closely, you can see that there is no goalpost. If I were ISU, I’d take the goalposts out too- they haven’t been very kind to the kickers over in Lames for the past 99 years.
However, for the eventual extra point that does sail through, every fan will have a chance to win a bag of coke from Coke Addict Clearance’s Crazydays Giveaway! Numbers will be drawn at random from every ticketstub that enters the stadium- giving ISU fans an average of a 20 percent chance to win!
So things are looking up over at Jack Trice. However, Jamie isn’t stopping there: he wants to upgrade Hilton Coliseum as well (and we don’t blame you, Jamie- what a fucking dump!)
The renderings of the new Hilton facilities look something like this:
However, we all know how that’s going to turn out: the donor money is going to dry up (assuming that corn and soybean prices stay low) and they’re going to have to go to plan B: Pollard’s “Restore the Magic!” plan, funded by Disney.
When all is said and done in 2010, look for Hilton to look a little something like this:
Hilton Magic, indeed.
Disneyland sums up the sports at ISU: it’s fun until you’re 13 years old and realize how gay it really is.
ON IOWA. GO HAWKS!
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HAHA! this was an extremly funny one. more of these please, never get old.
Yeah. Iowa State really isn’t cool
They should call it disney collsium. And Jack shit staduium
wow that was so funny…
NOT
seriously, this site is gay, it’s not even funny…maybe if the material was good, it might be funny, even as an ISU fan, but you guys flat out suck
Do I sense some jealousy?? Yea!!…On Iowa…Go Hawks!! (Thanks for the great morning pick me up guys!!)
Great news for all NCAA haters: The Board of Trustees at Illinois has decided (apparently) that Chief Illiniwek WILL dance at home football and men’s basketball games in the 2006-07 season. Fuck you, NCAA!
I know this is an Iowa fan site, but I’ll second Oskee-wow-wow’s sentiment that the NCAA can cram it and that Illinois should keep the Chief and its traditions. The state government of Iowa, however, can cut Iowa State University out of its budget and save us Hawkeye fans in the higher tax brackets some money.
I’ll vote for that idea!!! Besides ISU can sell cow manure for their funding.(God knows…they produce enough of that!)
Wow this site is pretty funny! I suppose thats what some loser kids would do in ames to if we got the shit kicked out of us and couldn’t think of anything better to do. Yeah but instead we are out getting drunk and probably banging those iowa bitches. But hey its great if this helps you get over the fact that iowa state fucking dominated you suck-eyes, more power to ya. Just don’t know what your going to do this year, but i’m sure it will be clever
Greg
p.s. i will say the part that says “I Screwed Up” standing for ISU was pretty good.
Hey Greg,
Eat shit and die. You don’t “bang Iowa bitches,” you have sex with men at frat parties. We at Hawkize hope things are going well at Gotta Ramma Gi or whatever frat you’re in, but please- your computer time is up. Enjoy being blacklisted from commenting at our site in the future.
Have a nice day- and go fuck yourself.
Mikehawk
I’m an “Iowa bitch”… we don’t get banged… (we fully partake in the event like it’s our job), especially by anyone that supports the cyclones… (personally.. i dont with anyone who wears red).
Yours Truly,
Iowa Bitch
P.S. If you’re “banging those iowa bitches” you must be having trouble finding anyone decent in your little shit hole of a town.
dont worry greg, i was supposed to be “blacklisted” from this site too when i wrote things under the “what the hell” name. after they found it was me i just put eddie now and i still leave comments when im extremely bored and desperate for entertainment or a laugh.
Again can I just comment on how all the clowns think that this site is a waste of time but yet they still keep coming back?
Um, and a happy 4th of July to you guys also?
I-S-Who may have beat us last year, but please, Iowa has and will always be the Hawkeye state and Iowa will always be better, we play 12 games in a season, not 1.
yeah but isu beat u in that one. how can u say ure team last year is better than a team that beats u? there is never a way to beat that argument
i thought that this hawkeye board would makes cyclowns mad but i guess it just makes them Jelous. Cuz they dont have a board or even a campus as cool as this site
This just in: soccer players are pussies. Did you see the cheap shot the snot-nosed pussy on pussy France pulled? And after all this bullshit the so-called “most famous trophy in the world” is won on what is basically a backyard practice drill, the penalty shot? I vomited seeing all the phony falls, fake injuries, etc. There is not one player in the NHL (hockey players being the biggest badasses on this planet not in the American military)who could not whip the shit out of an entire roster of these pussies. The best thing? It is all over for the next four years.
hey there northiowan. i go to uni. i have written on other posts that im not even a big fan of isu i just like to keep these obsessed iowa fans in check cuz they seem insane to me and i find that funny. and how did i seem jealous of anything? i just pointed out that iowa ppl try and say they r better than isu when isu beet them. what the hell kind of logic do u use to convince ureself of that? i wanna know cuz then maybe ill make a website saying uni can beat iowa and be satisfied with that in my life.
has cole looked at the wall of shame lately? he could get a strong laugh out of it im sure… good ol childhood. thats what im here for gettin some laughs.
Eddie, under your poor logic, you are claiming that the Cleveland Browns were a better team then the Chicago Bears this past year. Is this true? By the way, work on the spelling and grammar. Maybe a couple more years of 5th and 6th grade English could help you.
oh sorry i wasnt aware the fine east greene school system taught u so well. and yeah i really type this way all the time especially on my papers for school. didnt i make fun of u for that in highschool? and i dont know if the cleveland browns r a better team or not than the bears. im not waaaay to obsessed w/the bears w/a fan site dedicated to them because i dont have any other ways to waste my time or try and prove my masculinity. i just enjoy watching their games. i guess since u called my logic poor ure saying u believe the bears r a better team than the browns so thanks for that.
a blind squirrell could tell who was a better team, and Andyram, your lack of appearances at a certain location on the east side on weekends better stop right now, I expect to see you there Friday, maybe thursday even so i guess i’ll just call you, slut.
p.s andy, after being what u would consider smart and proof reading ure last comment i wouldnt be trying to say im the one who has a problem with spelling and grammar. when u said the phrase “then the chicago bears” it should have been “than the chicago bears.” then is used for referring to time while than is used in comparisons. way to show me whats up.
ok now you two. I hate being the guy who has to break up an argument but yeah. Iowa State fans can have there pride in beating Iowa. Take it and put it in a box cuz the box will be the only thing that cares. This a pro Iowa and an anti Iowa state site so remeber that.
I thought this was a funny quote (from ESPN [http://insider.espn.go.com/ncf/insider/news/story?id=2510203&action=upsell&appRedirect=http%3a%2f%2finsider.espn.go.com%2fncf%2finsider%2fnews%2fstory%3fid%3d2510203]
“Fortunately for [Iowa], the schedule provides relief with four likely blowouts before they play host to Ohio State.”
that is a funny quote and i think u guys will know why i think its funny so i wont even bother to type it.
i realize this is a pro iowa and anti state site. but what fun is anyone going to have putting up an article and everyone just goes.. man that was funny. yep i agree. cool. i think a few weeks ago i saw people asking for more entertainment and colestal commented on how there wasnt much material during the summer.
the only times there r a lot of posts on here is when ppl get in arguments.
What are your predictions for the game in 2 months?
nothing andyram? i was hoping for something witty after that amazing point u made to me about spelling and grammar, cuz i really learned a lesson from ure great example for me. i am always willing to learn from the great east greene graduates. u graduated right?
i guess yall are nots maybe its the heat. I guess in the game that someone will lose and someone will win. I cant say who i dont know these things. I know at least one moron will come on here that will say oh the cyclones will win. It wasnt that hard to pridict. And for all the cyclowns is your makeup running off ur face
what?
I know u dont comprehend these things
Dont comprehend that
were u drunk when u wrote that? i dont know where to start… how about that last sentence. why would the makeup be running off the cyclones fans faces? i would guess it would be a reference to crying but why would they cry when they won? what the hell r u talking about man?
i wish u knew so i would know. This is the last straw so that means i need more straws
I got Myspace! Add Me!!!
http://www.myspace.com/94309378
Eddie, 10 out of the last 25 comments are yours, and they seem to get progressively less intelligent. Go get a summer job or something. Better yet, take some summer classes to work on those English skills Andyram was talking about. Here, let me quote something you told Greg in a comment: “i still leave comments when im extremely bored and desperate for entertainment or a laugh.” So is that pretty much 24/7 or what? Oh yeah feel free to check my spellingz lol.
Yeah. It’s hard to take someone with 4th grade level English seriously. No wonder you go to UNI, Eddie. I bet you couldn’t even get into ISU. . . . And since even sheep get in there, we know that says something. . . .
THANK YOU!!
lol…
haha, I got my new issue of Maxim yesterday. And they did a nice article called the 10 worst college coaches, and guess who number 9 was????? Larry himself! Impressive……
Who was number 1?
kerk farents
too bad you can’t even spell it, moron.
cant member his name, the head football coach of baylor after that whole incident with the former player murdering another last year.
Hi all. Nice to be back in the friendly confines of hawkize.com. Larry, my predictions for the game is a close first half, with the Hawkeyes pulling away in the second. The reason this years game will be different from last years is that now the Hawkeye D-line is an asset and not a liability. With there performances last year under their belt, I am expecting Iwebema to have a first team Big Ten season. Kroul, King, and Mattison should all be solid as well. You guys have 9 returners on offense, but I dont think it will be enough at Kinnick. In support of that, ISU has huge holes on defense. Berryman, while a king size scumbag, could play football. I think his loss really hurts the line and, other than DeAndre Jackson, the secondary is very weak. The 1-2 punch of Drew and Albert should be able to exploit those weaknesses.
Final Score: Iowa 31 - ISU 13
ok this is gonna be long i guess. so u say my english skills r bad and my posts are progressively less intelligent but u dont give examples to back it up. i could say u progressively got more and more gay in ure last comment with every letter u typed. should everyone believe it? and sorry i dont feel the need to use proper english while i type on here. u know what im saying so quit ure bitching. and once again while someone is trying to teach me by example u make fun of my english skills and then use an internet slang “lol” thats not anything u can look up in the dictionary. that is exactly the same as me typing ure instead of your. so shut the fuck up and quit trying to act smart when the smartest thing u have done is capitalized letters and typed out words properly. also why try to make fun of me for checking spelling when andyram is the one that started that and i had to correct his dumb ass on that when he was trying to teach me. sooo..? good point by u? or should i say thanks for making fun of andyram? i am still waiting for him to say something smart back to me. or were u making fun of ureself? make fun of me for checking spelling when u r trying to tell me to use proper english? what do u want me to do then? make up ure mind dipshit. and yeah, have u been to cedar falls? i am very bored during the day when im not at work. as i have already had to tell someone else it is much more fun during the school year so if u wanna count comments and be a fucking nerd then go back and look at how much i talked on here during the school year compared to summer. got anything else smart to say? have fun cuz im bored…
Use “your” … “ure” is short for “you’re” aka.. you are..
Just a pet peeve of mine.
hey hey hey ok i thought this was a Hawkeye Post not an english lesson Lets all agree to not agree on english cuz this damn lanuage is too hard to learn thats why we go to english class and we can still fail. Too many rules. Any way lets get a new post this one is old
This damn language is too hard to learn? lol wtf you’ve been speaking it since you could speak. I’m an English major… it bugs me when people can’t even figure out the easiest concepts. (Like a contraction - apostrophe connecting two words. ie can’t, don’t, you’re…) You all need to watch School House Rock.
Eddie, tell your mom thanks.
FYI-We’re working on launching Hawkize 2.0, so the time I normally would have spent posting has been spent on that instead. I’ve got a couple good posts saved up though so we’ll let all of that loose at about the same time.
“someone besides eddie”
so thats the best u could come up with after my post? looks like someone has nothing good to say since u went to ure me last resort of simply trying to insult me… way to show whats up buddy. good point
we iowans dont try to put people down
MEAT SNACKS!
Hmmm get it on bang a dong get it on
wow this site died faster then a deer on a highway gettin hit by a semi
Its called the offseason northiowan. Have patience for another week or so and the posts will be coming. Besides, all the big news in college football these days is happening outside the Big 10. With Bomar gone, you Clones might have a half chance against the Sooners now….nah, no you dont. Oklahoma by 28, at least. Anyone else find it amazing that Ohio State has managed to stay out of the news? I guess the lesson from these trouble week in college football is to give your players Escalades and alumni $ and your program will stay out of the headlines.
I do have to say osu has stayed out of the news but puttin them at the top of the big ten is a bunch of bull shit. As for isu the basketball player being suspended for 6 games is funny. I guess the big 12 wants to have all the trouble this year.
I really like balls in my face…..FYI
I’m sure that 2.0 will require you to register for an account before you are able to leave comments… that’s something I’m looking forward to seeing implimented.
So I was wondering what if any changes are going to be made to the site?
You’ll see soon =)
what the hell r u deleting my comments for son?