Holy Toledo! Rockets almost upend Cow Pie High
LAMES, IOWA- Despite a spirited effort from Toledo School of the Blind, the Iowa State Cyclones escaped with a less-than-climatic 45-43 victory before a half-sellout crowd of 31,000 tonight.
The Rockets came back from a 23-8 deficit, scoring twice in the last period to knot the contest with just two minutes to go. With both the teams scoring touchdowns in the first two overtimes, the grudge match of gridiron giants moved into a third and decisive overtimne.
Iowa State receiver Todd Blythe made an amazing catch on a midget defensive back to give the Clones the winning touchdown in the third, and the ISU defense watched as Toledo’s tight end dropped a sure two-point conversion to give the Clowns the victory.
Hawkize.com members Mikehawk and Andyram watched in disbelief as the fans erupted when the ball hit the ground.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Andyram bellared as he downed another Rolling Rock. “Beating Toledo at home in 3 OT’s is like beating up your third-grade son and taking his lunch money, but then he punches you in the nuts and you have to run away.”
Cyclone Coach Dan “Front butt” McCarney was not available for comment, but it is rumored that his press conference will include some of the following lines:
“Well, we’re on our way to being another Bowl Champion of America.”
“We won the first half. That’s the important part.”
“We’ve won the last two games against Toledo. This is no fluke, folks.”
No ISU fans could be reached for comment because Iowa State holds horticulture class at 7 a.m. and they are all in bed by now. On the other end of the spectrum, when asked about the game, Hawkeye fan ZoungBrigade had this to say:
“What? Iowa State has a football team?”
On Iowa. GO HAWKS.
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And Todd Blythe got the #1 play on SportsCenter…I’m pissed.
In extremely important news to all haters of the NCAA and anyone who is just generally pissed off by the pussy Political Correct (like that cunt prof at Ia who bitched about the pink last year) I have an update from Champaign-Urbana:
Apparently Chief Illiniwek is out for good after men’s basketball this spring. This means:
1. Liberal, guilt-ridden white professors, none of whom obviously ever played a sport in their life, have won.
2. Haters of white people have won.
3. Those who despise having a good time have won.
4. Tradition has been kicked in the balls.
If this happens, a list of rich alumni who signed a petition in 2005 (see Chicago Sun-Times article from Jan. 05) have vowed to a.) never give a dime again and b.) pull all current gifts. The immediate impact will be $13 million — yes, $13 million — and that is just the instant impact. The loss in funds will balloon from there, of course, especially as others join the list.
What does this have to do with the University of Iowa, located in the Democratic People’s Republic of Johnson County? Plenty. Whenever the Left wins, whenever anti-white sentiment wins, whenever the will of the majority is trampled for a cause that does not exist (the Illiniwek tribe is extinct) decent people lose.
I would appreciate your comments as fellow Big 10 fans and as decent people. We may root for different teams, but surely we can agree on this — don’t fuck with our respective traditions (if they were coming after Herky I’d be right there with you guys)!
Oskee,
100% behind you on my hatred for the NCAA stepping on the throat of one of the finest, most dignified traditions in college sports. At the same, this problem seems to be the result of a triumph of the lack of will on the part of the University of Illiniois administration (personally, I blame the lingering stench of Nancy Cantor and the fiasco she started over the Chief several years back). Whereas I applaud FSU’s “fuck you” attitude toward the NCAA regarding the Seminole, I am sorry to see that the University of Illinios administration’s efforts have been more conciliatory than cavalier. That being said, you are correct, the true losers here are the faithful Illini fans as well as the fans of the time-honored traditions of college football. This is one pink locker room loving, “In Heaven There is no Beer” singing Hawkeye fan and Big Ten alum that’s right behind you.
P.S.: Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with Iowa State’s excuse fora football team that they went two over times in Lames against fucking Toledo? If we don’t mop the floor with them, I may just go out and choke a bitch.
My apologies, 3 fucking over times. I didn’t mean to under-state the degree of Story County Community College’s lackluster performance.
Let’s see… I really don’t think I can sum up the sickness I felt when the Toledo receiver tried to catch the final pass of the game like a 1st grader. The gay clowns probably felt like they won the BCS, like they feel with any win they are given.
Hey, I thought about emailing Norm Parker about this ingenious defensive play for defending extra-points– block the ball and let it roll on the ground in-bounds and celebrate like a bunch of ‘tards (never mind the other team or the fact that the ball is still in play). What a bunch of gay-wads! Good coaching Front-Butt!!!!!
It’s pretty bad when the Yahoo! NCAA football page has no mention of the only game that went 3 OT the day after it was played. I guess everyone else also realizes how close ISU Fball resembles a big douche bag…
Any of you ISU fans out there care to talk about the last time you won an OT game?