Hawkize readers,

I come to you today asking for your help. You’ve all been great Hawkeye fans for the past year of our existence, but now its time to back it up with some money.

You see, there is a poor old lady in Des Moines named Nancy Clark. Many of you may be familiar with this Des Moines Register “columnist.” However, if you haven’t noticed, she’s very famished and looks like she hasn’t eaten for years. I mean, honestly, no one can look at her figure and think that she’s anything short of Calista Flockhart-esque.

So I come to you, today, Hawkize fans, to donate to the the “Feed Nancy!” fund. Without getting her some food, we won’t be able to read her amazing articles in the newspaper, such as her latest one on the Iowa Hawkeyes and how we are so overrated for not demolishing Illinois on Saturday. (BTW, Nancy, we won by three scores.)

I, for one, will not be able to sleep if I can’t read Clark’s explanation on Monday morning about how Iowa “didn’t deserve” to beat Ohio State. Oh, perhaps, an in-depth analysis of Dan McCarney’s rectum- an area she’s had her nose for years. Can you imagine a sports page without her completely unbiased, well-educated and worldy opinions? I can’t.
Help Nancy out, folks!

P.S., for Irony’s sake, Nancy’s September 20th column about being obese is linked.

ON IOWA. GO HAWKS!

UPDATE (Colestal):  In order to encourage people to donate to the “Feed Nancy!” fund, we are now selling t-shirts for $10 in our store.  All of the profits will be donated to feeding Nancy.  (We’re selling them at cost–she won’t see a dime).

Here’s what the front looks like:

It’s a good cause.  Support this cause here!