It’s been awhile, again. It’s finals week, which means one thing and one thing only – I’m not studying, I’m drinking myself into a hole so deep that I can’t see the grades on my report card.

With that being said, let’s catch you up on things that happened since my recent weekend birthday debacle and finals approaching..

Iowa fucking spanked Iowa State in wrestling, 24-6.

Iowa absolutely dominated this meet, getting a big fucking win from our good friend Ryan Morningstar. When asked for comment about the meet, no one was available- they were all busy sacrificing another freshman from Burge in Coach Gable’s name. Hey, whatever works guys.

Iowa fucking spanked Iowa State in Men’s Basketball, 77-59.

Had it not been for a late three-pointer from Brock “man, I can’t believe I wasted my time going D1 when I really wouldn’t even start at Coe” Jacobsen from Iowa State, The Hawks would have put a 21-point hurting on the Clowns. Man, Pollard, you sure have things looking up at state.

Loser.

This week’s sign of the apocalypse? J.R. Angle scores more than two points in an Iowa basketball game… a game in which he started… and the points were scored before the last two minutes of a blow-out win. Wow.

Iowa spanks Iowa State in both sides of swimming.

I don’t know the scores and don’t care, but we beat them. Not surprising when you think about how big of douchebags all ISU men are and how fat the chicks are. I don’t even wanna begin to look at photos of their team. Egads!

Iowa pretty much wraps up the Cy-Hawk trophy, after spanking ISU in damn near everything.

Yeah, like you’re surprised.

Iowa will be taking on Texas in the Alamo Bowl on December 30^th.

A lot of Iowa fans have been down on the Hawks, and rightfully so. However, must I remind you bandwagon-jumping pricks of the last time we faced the defending national champions in a bowl game? Drew Tate. Warren. Touchdown Iowa. Iowa Wins. I’ve got a secret for you: DT has been sandbagging this season just so he can show up that fuckstick Mack Brown for not throwing a scholly his way during recruiting. He knew how things were going to shake out this year – he may not be the smartest man alive, but he does have ESP- and he knew this is how thins would end. He will throw for 550 yards, run for another 300, and then ride a longhorn around the field Wade Boggs style as the Hawks take home the Alamo Bowl trophy again, in surprising 70-0 fashion.

Andyram is 21 and nowhere to be seen

I can’t get ahold of him. I checked the local bars but they’re all closed with signs that say “Out of liquor” or “Andyrammed” Weird.

Santa Clause is coming to town soon…

If you believe in him, that is. Stay tuned for my Christmas wish-list. It’s something you won’t want to miss, I promise.

On IOWA. GO HAWKS!