It’s a big weekend in the NFL, Hawkize faithful. Andyram and Colestal are both camped out in front of their televisions already, awaiting the Bears game on Sunday- and I’m already starting a drinking binge to get ready for this weekend that I really couldn’t give a shit less about since the Vikings really, really suck.

HAWKIZE WEEKEND PREDICTIONS:

The United States of America Saints @ The Chicago Bears

Rex Grossman is possibly the worst quarterback the Bears have had since…well… Kyle Orton. Wait, okay, Cade McNown. Wait. Henry Burress. Shit, uhm..Kordell Stewart? Fuck it. Jim Miller. Perhaps Craig “The Crack Addict” Krenzel? No, wait, it doesn’t really matter- Brad Maynard is the best quarterback on this squad. I don’t like the Bears chances on offense against the entire nation. If you don’t want the Saints to win this game, you are a communist bastard. Or a retard Bears fan. With that being said, commies….

AMERICA 21, BEARS 13

New England Tom Bradys @ Indianapolis Hawkeyes

Three words. Hawkeye Pride.

I think that this is an open and shut case- news on the roto wire is that Tom Brady has been shopping for tombstones already- not pizzas, mind you. Tom, I’ve got news for you- I’ve been calling Bob Sanders and telling him it’s you, and then trashing his mother. He’s mad. Just remember- Bob Sanders doesn’t wear a watch- he just decides what time it is.
Take that, coupled with the fact that Peyton Manning has Dallas Clark lining up at tight end- and you’ve got a recipe for disaster, even for the luckiest team in the NFL, the Patriots. Sorry, Pats, but Dallas Clark will catch anything you throw at him- even aids from a Chinese hooker down at the Water Palace in West Des Moines. Clark is afraid to go over the middle- or down on your mother. He’ll reel in at least 5 catches, 2 of them for scores, and will make four DE/DB’s shit themselves when they see the horse coming at them. This call is easy.
Colts 35, Patriots 2.

ON IOWA. GO HAWKS!