I’m not a homosexual (NTTATWWT), but I do enjoy observing college football uniforms. I prefer the classic style of uniform; uniforms like those worn by Michigan, Iowa, Ohio State, Oklahoma, and Texas. Oregon gets a new uniform every year, and they always suck. Seriously, what’s wrong with just picking something and sticking with it? That is called tradition, and it is what defines college football.

Iowa State has been notorious for having horrible uniforms since Jesus was born. The color scheme, which attempted to incorporate all three primary colors, was a disaster. Their helmet logo consisted of a bird, a tornado, and “ISU” crammed into the space the size of Dan McCarney’s fist. If you’re not sure how big Dan McCarney’s fist is, just ask his wife. She probably got a good luck at it when he was (allegedly) beating her.

Jamie Pollard, ISU’s athletic director, decided to upgrade ISU’s uniforms to put his own mark on the program. Surprisingly, ISU’s new uniforms are a huge improvement. The color scheme has been updated, moving away from ketchup and mustard and towards the true school colors of Cardinal and Gold. Navy blue has finally been removed, destroying the primary color trifecta. Good move. The design is simplistic; very similar to the uniforms worn by the Redskins of the National Football League. The white helmet looks sharp and contrasts well with the rest of the uniform. Definitely a huge improvement over what they were previously wearing.

While the uniform has improved, the logo has not. Instead of hiring someone to design a logo, or having one of the schools many graphic design majors design a logo, Jamie Pollard made three logos with WordArt in Microsoft Word. One says “Cyclones”, one says “ISU”, and one says “State” with a big “I” in the background. All three logo choices instantly turn the entire uniform into a joke and take any and all credibility away from the design Why couldn’t they just make a cool picture of a tornado wrecking some shit and put it on there?

I’ll tell you why: because they are Iowa State. And, like a friend of mine says, you can’t polish a turd. At least ISU will be looking a little sexier on their way to 4 wins. Almost as sexy as me. Call me ladies.